It's Okay to Fail
Webster defines failure as:
• lack of success
• the omission of expected or required action
• the action or state of not functioning
It is hard when we fail at something. I know I look back over my life, and I had a lot of failures. But, the one thing is I didn't allow the failure to detour my life or destiny. I can talk about myself when it comes to this area. I think for me, I look at my parents and their failed marriage. Even though I was young, I still remember the argument and disagreements, and sometimes physical fighting. I remember having chest pains all the time. I didn't realize it was stress at that time. The problems my parents were going through affected a part of my life. It started affecting me in my schooling that year. I failed the 5th grade and had to repeat it. So, now I have this wall or four boxes resembling a wall in which I hold everything. Now that was a part of my life growing up. My parents eventually separated and when their separate ways.
I still remember it like it was yesterday. I don't know if you guys have the Exit Exam where you live. My class was the second class to do it was a new program that started in 1992. Guess what I missed a part of that test by one point and didn't graduate with my class. The next thing in life I could have allowed to stop me was not graduating with my class. I could have let it stop me, but I certainly did not. From there, I when to Jonesville Beauty School took a placement test to get in. Now I'm a Licensed Cosmetologist of 20+ years, Esthetician, future Massage Therapist once I pass my test. I'm in the process of taking the placement test to get into Nursing. I have always wanted to become a nurse. If I would look at my circumstances back then and given up, I wouldn't be the person I am.
So, I have three children, and I started to look at my life. I wonder if my children would ask me why I didn't have. My high school diploma. I decided to call the high school to see the requirement for me to take the test. Now you guys, this is 10 YEARS later. All I had to do was go up to school when they offered the test to take It. Guess what I did that and passed the test and got my high school diploma ten years later. I could have let failure define my life, but I didn't.
How many of you all know that life is sometimes challenging. When you do not know? - who you are? You will allow people and things to take control of your life. Then I began to wonder if I had let the things that happened in my parent's life affect me because I look at the relationship in my life. Had allowed the past to become a part of my future. Now, I'm a divorcee of two marriages. The first marriage I married at 23 years old, not knowing who I was. Allowing things to occur that should not happen. Do you know you don't have to allow physical, Mentally, and verbal abuse? Being abused in any form can have you thinking that you don't belong in this world and That you are not good enough. I can still think back to that day when I lock myself in the bathroom. The enemy was talking to me, telling me you don't belong here. You should just go ahead and kill yourself. That enemy was talking to me intensely. Just go ahead and get some pills and let it all go. Thank God I didn't know how to take pills because I would have been a gonna. I was broken down mentally and depressed. I allowed it to affect my work. I had my salon, so when depression would hit me hard. I would shut down. I didn't want to talk to anyone or just myself being in a dark room with no tv or phone. Now you see how this could affect your business or work. I would be a no-call/no-show, which affects my business badly. I apologize to my clients now because I didn't know how to handle the situation. I ended up closing because I couldn't afford it. Even though I was married, I was the breadwinner of the home, and it was like I had two houses. It was very stressful. Even after years pass, I have had some trials and errors. I most definitely did not allow it to stop me.
So, several years later, I tried the marriage again, but this time it was different, with no verbal or mental abuse. It just didn't work because of irreconcilable differences. We divorce applicable terms. Two failure marriage I know there are many things I will not tolerate in my life, so I go back and wonder if it allows that shield to come into places of protection. I know it pushes me even harder to go for things I want to achieve in my life.
So today, I'm pushing to grow to pass my challenges and use them as a stepping tool. I'm growing every day to become the strong independent woman that God created me to be. So as I put one footstep at a time, allowing god lead and direct my path. I have no room for failure because I'm not letting the enemy come in, to steal not my joy, peace, or to disturb my soul. Because today I Know who I Am.